Friends Long Gone - "jibon jibito thakar abhinay..."

This is a story of a boy with a golden heart who left PARIS one december afternoon. He had wanted to go to Goa. 

After an evening of some frantic calling here and there, I was able to bring myself to understand that the rumour of the death of my best friend may, after all, be true. His body was to be flown into the city the next morning. I went to his place at 7 in the morning. People had gathered along the alley to his place. I felt dizzy for a moment - my heart skipping a beat. I walked on into his house to be greeted by the tears of an inconsolable mother. She'd just lost her son and there's nothing she could do about it. I couldn't come to say anything. In the adjoining room sat his father, also in tears. And all he could say, "Pranab, Mona aar ashbe na...Mona aar nei" (Pranab, my son will never return, he's no more).

After an evening of waiting for a phone call, she called. "Pranab, I believe that we can never belong to each other". She had found someone else. She had just sounded my death-knell. I felt very 'loose', as if I had been hit by a speeding truck and I dropped on the floor. I was gasping for air and trying to stabilize my mind. 

It was the same feeling I had got once before when I had seen the last of A in the crematorium - his body drapped in a white sheet of cloth. I kept asking him to get up but he wouldn't / I kept asking her to come back to me but she wouldn't. Loss - you know you have experienced it when you feel your soul slip out and you stop living and only exist. 

"jibon jibito thakar abhinay..."

Confused - What am I getting at?

Ever been walking along on a lonely highway,  amidst grand tall tress - their lush green cover stretching to as far as eyes could see; a clear blue sky which brings a freshness in your mind - opens it up and prepares to soar to the yonder;  unknown calls of unknown birds - with little or no  clue what they're for but nonetheless that make you strain to hear them - those calls or 'chirps' that fill your heart with respect and a certain gladness which is, quiet surprisingly unparalled? And since this is the scene which streches to as far as your eyes can see - you pick a point upon a small hillock where you'd plan to have lunch in the soft sunlight of the mid-day sun and follow it up with a classic Navy Cut. Steadily through the morning you climb on and at the last step the rock you stepped on gave way and you roll down in few minutes, the distance you took all morning to cover. 

You'd probably be better off if you were dead otherwise when you come to your senses you'd wish you were. But the fact of the matter is that you are not dead and no matter how much you would want that glamourous edifice you know that somewhere someone is waiting for you. Its when the faces of those who always stood by you flash before you and all you can say is 'F***, man'. You may not have noticed but the very heaven that you were in is now hell and should you survive it - won't be something that'll leave a pleasant taste afterward. That curse that you'd just cursed - frankly - you don't have a clue who it was aimed at - perhaps yourself. 

By now I am sure my readers have understood what I am trying to get at. If you haven't - don't worry - you'll get your chance someday and then maybe you'll be authoring a similar post yourself.